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What Is Eros & Thanatos?

Before we begin looking into the intricacies of Eros and Thanatos, I must explain to you how Freud saw the human mind.

In Freud’s topographical model of the human mind, he likened the mind to an iceberg. In the same way that the majority of an iceberg’s mass lies underneath the surface, Freud theorized that the majority of a human’s psyche works on an unconscious level. Above the unconscious level sits a preconscious level full of memories and stored knowledge and above that lies the conscious level, consisting of thoughts and perceptions.

Freud built on this theory and developed Ego State psychology. This consist of three concepts, the id which represents basic human impulses (both sexual and aggressive) and operates on the unconscious level, the super-ego which represents ideals and morals (often inherited from parents) and operates on the preconscious level and the ego which mediates between the id and the super-egoand works mainly on a conscious level but also on a preconscious level.

The Eros and Thanatos exist within the id. The eros represents our basic impulse to seek pleasure (i.e. eating to feel good) whilst thanatos represents our basic impulse to destroy (i.e. baby hits mother). They are otherwise known as the life drive and the death drive.

Eros and Thanatos are based on the physical parameters of life and make up the foundation of the mind. They are not separate from each other but rather in a state of perpetual fusion. 

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How Do Third Culture Kids & Expats Self-Sabotage?

In traditional psychodynamic therapy, Thanatos is often used in when talking about past relationships that have contained great pain.

However, when it comes to Third Culture Kids and Expats, I often apply it to a place.

Third Culture Kids and Expats often form a strong attachment to one or several places.

The attachment can become so strong in fact, that it conjures up similar feelings to those experienced within a human-to-human relationship.

TCKs, ATCKs and Expats can experience love and heartbreak in relation to a place. That is an experience which many non-TCKs or non-expats don’t understand.

I mainly encounter two forms of Thanatos (self-sabotage) within Third Culture Kids and Expats. The most common being the ATCK’s or expat person’s inclination to move to a new country ever few years, otherwise known as itchy feet syndrome.

The people who move every few years to a new country often claim that it is because they feel bored with life in the country that they are living in.

It may also be (unbeknownst to them) that they are afraid of a settled life, that people are getting too close to them and that the work-place is demanding too much of a long-term commitment.

Instead of embracing this as a positive development, the unconscious mind will sabotage this by creating an urge to move somewhere new.

The other form of self-sabotage that I encounter in Third Culture Kids and Expats is when they dismiss one place entirely.

Some people, when moving away from a country that they have grown up in, or in an attempt to form a stronger attachment to another country, pushes one country away.

For example, one person may not want to embrace the culture that they are living in and therefore takes on more of the aspects of an other culture. This often happens in children who fear losing their connection to their birth culture.

Another example is when people dismiss their connection to a place that they have moved away from, with the purpose of moving on emotionally.