Here’s What Problems Life Has To Throw At You In Your Forties!
So you’ve made it through your thirties unscathed and are hoping for smoother sailing here on out, right? – Well, I’ve got news for you!
If you felt like life was at a crossroads throughout your thirties, then your forties will serve up a fresh set of dilemmas which will make you think even harder about life’s tough choices.
Here are a few problems coming your way in your forties.
The Great Restructuring
In many ways, our forties is about starting anew. It’s the period of life when we become acutely aware of what we’re missing out on. In other words, we FOMO to the max.
We fear the fossilisation of our souls. This causes us to panic and make rash decisions which have life-changing consequences.
That’s why our forties is known as the period of great restructuring.
This is the period when we begin training, we buy new clothes, we get a new job, go back to school, get involved in politics, decide to have more kids or cheat on our spouses.
Our forties is also a time when we are more able to connect with people the same age as us, as they are going through a similar process of reflection and restructuring. This makes it easier for us to fall in love with other people.
Now, all of a sudden, our old life stands in the way of our new one and we grow to resent the family that we have loved up until this point.
During our thirties, life was about assimilating into the family unit. In our forties, we realize that we have lost track of who we are and we feel a strong urge to put our needs ahead of others. In other words, we want to break free from it. But this isn’t an easy task as we love aspects of our old life as well.
It is when we discover the conflict between the old life and the new life, the resentment and the appreciation, that we become depressed and seek therapy. It is also during this period of our life when most couples seek therapy.
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Alcoholism & Suicidal Thoughts
Mental illness is most prevalent between the age of 35 and 45 and there is a higher risk of suicide during this time period, especially in men.
In most cases, this is due to a drastic change in the family dynamic. This may be caused by infidelity, divorce, or the loss of a family member.
A lot of people in their forties don’t have anyone to talk to. Their children are too young to bare the weight of their sorrow. Their parents are too old and frail to lean on and they’ve lost track of old friends or they don’t have that type of relationship to their friends where they feel like they can share that information.
That is why they feel like they have little choice but to drink to numb their pain.
Our forties is also a period where we are more likely to self-sabotage as we feel like time has passed us by and we have no hope of achieving our dreams. This makes it easier for us to continue drinking and see our wrong decisions as fate handing us our just deserts.
Living Under One Roof
Our forties is also the time period when our family is at its biggest, not only in regards to the amount of people directly dependent on us, but also in regards to their size.
Our children have become older, more demanding and harder to control. Needless to say, this has an affect on our wallet and on our energy levels.
What’s more, our living quarters have begun to feel small and our personal space is almost non-existent. This makes is difficult for us to be intimate with our partners. In other words, the romance dies and is swapped out by a practical relationship wherein we are judged solely by our usefulness to the other.
This in turn leads to resentment, relationship issues and depression.
Window For Change Is Closing
Last but not least, there is the notion of time as being finite. This becomes even more apparent to us as we reach this stage of our lives.
Our parents, the very people that made us feel invincible when we were at our most vulnerable, are themselves being torn down by father time and are becoming weaker by the day and our children can stand on their own two feet and are past the point when they see us as the invincible hero.
That is why the restructuring becomes so important to us. But, what can otherwise be seen as a perfectly reasonable process of reevaluation is unfortunately seen by society as shameful and labelled a midlife crisis.
Instead of having the right to reevaluate our lives and make changes that we perceive to be for the better, we are mocked as someone who has succumbed to our insecurities. This forces some of us into submission and causes resentment to grow. We become angry at the world and depressed.
Don’t be ashamed for trying to make your life better. Be glad that your intentions were good, no matter what the result of your decisions.